never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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