i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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