I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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