So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
