Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize