He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
