Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
