McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
dude. I can hear the air.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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