Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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