with your own penis?
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize