i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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