How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This toilet bowl is my home.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
