Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
