I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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