I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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