I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
