my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
