everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
