while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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