So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well you can't waste a boner
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize