I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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