Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
