You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
