she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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