Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
