i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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