...so i touched it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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