i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
