He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
