yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize