I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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