The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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