But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
