Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this beer tastes like vomit already
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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