Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
