Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
