Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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