I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
