Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
