That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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