Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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