I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
