I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
