Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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