I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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