hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
