i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
