question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
