my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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