i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
