I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
