My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
