why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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