9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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