Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
