: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
