pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
