so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
