I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
