i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
