operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
