I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize