Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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