4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We left an ass print on the piano.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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