I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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