i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm passing your future prison.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
