you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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