He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
