you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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