We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
