why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
